Tag: self

Today was better

Priya Shukla 0 Comment The Sense Check , , ,

Today was better. It truly was.

How do I compare between one day and the next? Because most days I get up lost, confused and in pain. So how do I differentiate between good, better and freaking awesome when it feels like the same start, just a different day?

I count the blessings. I search for the good because it makes me feel better even if I don’t feel better physically. It’s a practice that I’m a bit hit-and-miss about, but I still try. I keep reminding myself that it is getting better – not will get better, “is”.

Today it started with movement on my bed. Then movement on the floor. And then movement within the ARC. I just kept building on what I had and where I was. It was bloody good.

But then when I eventually began with my work, I felt so lost and confused. And of course, my internal narrative began slinging mud at me from every direction. Ugh, I hate that voice when I get into that frozen space. That frozen space. It makes everything so much more difficult.

The frozen space is such a tough thing to navigate because I’m still highly functional and productive – it just takes me longer. And as I go through the pain of pushing through the frozen tundra that is my state of being, I am feeling everything too intensely and yet nothing at all.

I’m going to keep feeling my feels. I’ll keep walking this path. I am feeling the pain and it’s okay. It’s how I will continue to heal. Feel my way through after years of ignorant non-bliss.

The Greater Good

Priya Shukla 0 Comment The Sense Check , , , , , , , , ,

What does the greater good mean for me?

I think that most of my life the message drilled into my psyche was that you needed to always think about everyone else first, before even beginning to take care of myself. This has been the journey and I only began to question it when I began working on myself. I realised that much of the discontent, bone-deep sadness, and despair came from the feeling that I didn’t matter. My needs and wants can’t matter more than others.

Applying what I learned about this not being good for me or anybody, I’ve since seen that being a decent human being and taking care of myself would always ensure that I also take care of the greater good. My actions, my behaviour and my life feel more full and fulfilled. I always know when I can give and do more. It’s been one of the most rewarding life lessons – self-care above self-sacrifice

I’ve been able to find that I am a loving and nurturing person and that when I decide to not do something, it comes from a place of priority, kindness and caring, not from a place of lack and depletion. I practice gratitude for who I am and what I experience. It fuels my desire to do and be more. I feel joy in everything and it is beautiful.

I can only care for the greater good if I first care about myself.

Inspiring myself

Priya Shukla 2 Comments The Sense Check , , , , ,

Getting up today felt loaded. Not enough sleep, feeling morning aches and feeling unmotivated to do anything. And still, the entire day laid out ahead of me.

I know most of us know this feeling. And sometimes we never get out of it. And for those who continue to suffer from this and can’t find a way out, I send out my heartfelt love and healing energy. It’s not an easy thing to live with, and worse if you’re aware of it while it’s happening – you sometimes feel trapped within your own body.

I’m now sitting writing this, which I really couldn’t envision doing when I got up feeling all out of whack. How did I achieve this?

I got up and chose to do something different. Then I did something else. And more new something “elses”.

It sounds too simple, but it was just that. This is a form of pattern disruption. If we just move out of the torturous space, it creates momentum and subsequently, motivation, to continue doing more things that will make you feel more fulfilled and less lost. We’ve been sold so much bullshit over the years; it’s been about finding motivation with our thinking and forces outside of us. And I’ve since learned it has nothing to do with anyone but me. Nobody is coming to save or inspire me. It’s all on me.

Frankly, it’s a relief to know this. Knowing that all I need is me, is a liberating feeling. Of course, the downside is that I need to continue with the action that keeps me moving forward. I need to be the motivation I seek.

And this is why I do this; writing these pieces of nothing and everything. Because the action alone isn’t going to get me up and moving. The other key element in this formula is practice. If I want something to come naturally, I need to do it continuously until my mind, body and spirit understand the flow enough for it to be a natural extension of me. It’s how the best athletes and musicians become the best – do it, rinse and repeat.

Day 5… Hot and bothered

Priya Shukla 0 Comment The Sense Check , , , , ,

It’s hot. Many may say, “Yes, that’s because it’s summer in the southern hemisphere”. I say, “Ugh”.

As far back as I can remember, as an adult, I have hated the heat. I sweat profusely, especially on my face, and I am uncomfortable and sluggish. I couldn’t understand why because in my youth I spent much of my time outdoors involved in any number of physical activities. And maybe, therein lies part of the problem.

What is the problem?

I became less active immediately after leaving school. I started the journey of overeating and being overweight at 17, but I also had physical activity to keep me feeling good. But as I left the mandatory physical activity behind, I became a shell of a person. Of course, the culture back then was to be so hard on myself and feel ashamed that I wasn’t doing better and eating better. So much shame, every day.

What I did not know or have any concept of, was that I was one of those special people that had metabolic syndrome. PCOS, Insulin resistance, pre-diabetic – I was the perfect example of all these waiting to activate. However, society didn’t understand this and neither did my doctors and my family. Thankfully the road has been long and I’ve learned so much about how to take the steps I need to take to improve my health. Unfortunately, it’s also been a difficult one.

So all this to say I am not just struggling with the heat, I am a cocktail of hormone and gut imbalance. It’s hard for me to say this out loud and accept it. But I need to understand that acceptance is such a big part of healing and optimising my health. Here I am, sitting with acceptance for a bit longer; it’s something I need practice and time to become comfortable with.

Now I’m off to the chiropractor. Yesterday was an amazing deep tissue massage to prepare me for today’s treatment. And also because I just love massages!

Day 5 is over and out!

Recommitting to myself – Day 1… of many

Priya Shukla 2 Comments Daily Musings, The Sense Check

Creating consistency and routines for myself. It’s a bumpy ride.

I keep trying to remind myself that I’m a writer. Is that normal?

But it’s the first thing I sacrifice when life gets hard. Even as I write this, I feel shame. And that makes me want to stop again. But I’m determined to do the very thing that I want and need to.

I keep hearing Oprah in conversation with so many people telling her about their calling and why they do what they do. One of those conversations that stand out to me to this day was with JK Rowling. Oprah asked her if she’d always know she wanted to be a writer and she said yes, when she understood what it is that writers do, that is when she knew it is what she would do. And I’ll never forget what Oprah’s narration was to this – when you’re a writer, you just write; whether it’s for one person or a million, you have to write.

But the thing that has changed for me in listening to this is that I write because I have to express myself and I write for me first. Always for me first.

So how do I do this?

Today I am committing to writing a little every day. Just talking about what I’m thinking and how I’m getting myself onto a path I find comforting and recognise as familiar to my inner voice.

What’s today’s business?

Why is it so hard to choose one thing to do? Every morning I wake up with a flood of thoughts and ideas. Instead of choosing one, I choose nothing.

To quiet the voices I scroll through Instagram and allow myself to get flooded with warmth and comfort – puppies, babies and mushy stories – Instead of being hard on myself for doing this, I now ask myself why I feel the need to do it. The answer is simple; it engages my addictive pathways and allows my brain to get its share of dopamine.

Most mornings of late it feels like Groundhog Day. But you know what? Today is when I break that cycle. Today I deliberately took myself out of this pattern. Today I wrote this and now, shared it.

For Day 1, that’s enough.