I missed two days of journaling. How did I feel about that? I was annoyed with myself at first, but then I realised I could catch up on everything I did. Reflect on the joy that was this weekend. Yes, that sounds like a way to overcome wanting to do this perfectly.
Perfection. Such a small word with so much pressure attached to it. I’m recovering from being a perfectionist. The beauty of recovery is that it’s a journey, not a destination. Perfection is me reaching for an unknown goal that has no beginning or end. This makes perfection unattainable. And I’m feeling the relief of that realisation every single day. Letting go of the stranglehold of perfection is a thing of beauty and the beginning of faith and hope. But that’s a story for another day.
Day 6
With my move to Cape Town, there were many things I wanted to do to find myself and my joy again. One of those things was finding a community I could join that meant I had company and the joy of activities with a safe group that didn’t need to become my best friends – I have one of those, and boy is she the jealous type 🙂 I love doing things on my own but also realise the need to be able to do things with others with no expectations and just joy in what I’m doing.
On Saturday morning, I got up as early as I could manage; I needed to drive 45 minutes to Kalk Bay and fill up my tank before I set off. It’s a beautiful drive once you get to Muizenburg and then take the main road that takes you through Kalk Bay, towards Fishhoek. It fills you up. The beautiful coastline, the mountains from all angles, the blue summer skies. Long drives are my joy. There’s a freedom in being out on an open road. I relish them.
My destination was the Brass Bell Restaurant to join a bunch of strangers to spend a few hours painting and drawing. I’ve done this type of activity in Durban, but I’d never done it on my own. I’m learning that on my own is my favourite way to experience things. The company is great, but I’m okay on my own too. It was a beautiful half a day spent painting against the background of waves crashing against rocks and the windows of the restaurant. Powerful and beautiful. Simply breathtaking.
Day 7
I’m not one to indulge in shopping and walking around a mall. But with the right company and for a special reason, I can be convinced to go along with it. I spent the morning with a close friend. We work together but don’t get to spend a lot of time out just for us to catch up and just be. So we both treasure these special moments and I loved the company as I thought about my company party outfit.
What I love about my friends is that they are honest with me if they don’t think I should pick up something. These are the kinds of friends I need. I can also be myself and talk about my comfort with no judgment. Again, it’s what I need, not the superficiality of just going along with things to create a copacetic space.
I also got to spend a beautiful afternoon with my little brother’s fiancé before she left Cape Town. She is moving up to Johannesburg and I guess this is great for her and my little brother. It was sad to say goodbye. But I’m also grateful we had the last four months to get to know her and spend quality time with her. They have a bright future ahead of them. Relationships are as simple as we make them – the ones where feelings and actions are reciprocated and those where they are not. The start of this one bodes well for us all.
Day 8
Today I had an upset tummy. It made my day a little uncomfortable. It was one more day that I was grateful I could work from home. It’s a gift that I will not take for granted anymore. I have taken it for granted. Or maybe I’ve been so focused on everything else that I couldn’t appreciate what I do have going well for me. And that’s okay; not immediately being aware of every blessing is what life looks like. We will notice and be awakened when we have the mental, emotional and spiritual capacity to accept and embrace these new truths. I couldn’t get to this journal this morning, but today isn’t over yet.
Day 6, 7 and 8. Up and away.