Tag: joy

Day… again

Priya Shukla 0 Comment The Sense Check , , , , ,

I was reading through my previous posts and I liked the idea of these thoughts finding a home here. So maybe I'll try for a daily thought processor here. Not quite a morning pages, but close enough. These will be a little filtered, whereas the morning brain dump... not quite (says with an evil grin).

Sitting here and writing, I'm not filled with the apprehension I had when I felt when I first started my Daily Musings. I'm sitting here listening to one of my favourite songs, Pasoori, dancing in my chair and sometimes moved to stand up and dance, at 6;30am while I wait for my writing buddy to get online with me. It's indicative of my mood as I begin the day. Feeling quietly elated, content and feeling good in my body. Do I have aches and pains and thoughts of the apocalypse happening in the next few minutes? Of course!

However, I'm happy to sit side-by-side with the demons that filter through my world and acknowledge their existence while still enjoying the reality of my life. Its beauty and grace are more than the challenges that life presents. And when I do this, the demons show themselves as being the scared and lonely parts of me. I don't need to be afraid, just aware. Accept and not drown in it.

Working on Self-care

I've been working on the daily patterns of behaviour and what the world probably terms as time management. And in this exploration, I decided to take advantage of a life wellness service that the company I work for has introduced, called Modern Health. It offers coaching and therapy as well as other mental health support. In working with a coach and therapist I've been able to unpack a few things that are contributing to my sense of disquietude. It's been great to have a space in which I can bounce my thoughts around. Having people who help with the inquiry process has also been a gift.

I spoke to an old friend last night after a long time. It always feels so good to pick up a relationship exactly where we were, yet also where we are now. The seamless nature of it is like a comforting arm around your shoulders - not needed, but defiitely welcome.

Saturday

I woke up wanting to sleep more. It's getting colder here, so being wrapped in my two layers of blankets is the most comforting feeling. Maybe I'll have a lie in and read tomorrow morning. This morning I needed to get up early to have a meeting with my sister. We're thinking of ways to expand the conversations we have. It's a tough balancing act; trying to navigate our journeys and our relationship boundaries - ours and with others.

And so I enjoyed the exploratative nature of our conversation. We have some things done to work on and we definitely want to do these things. The question is will we? We're holding back. We know we're holding back. What do next steps look like? How do we navigate this together with our relationship? We're also in transitional stages in our lives and are trying to create space for this. How do we do it?

Hiking

I made a decision to go for a hike this afternoon. Impromptu but something I really want to get more comfortable with. Fear of taking hikes has held me back since one I did in 2022 at Chapman's Peak. I was told this would be comfortable for an amateur. It was anything but. Struggled! Forcing myself to go out of a false sense of responsibility even though I was not in the best condition - it was the second day of my period. I had shaky legs, less than good lung capacity and lots of pain due to my problematic periods. It was so beautiful and breathtaking, and some of the people with me weere wonderful and set their pace to mine - which made me feel awful! I knew I definitely wanted to hike more, but I was at a crossroads as to how to do it.

This time I had a chat with the hike leader mentioning my experience and she was extremely empatheitc and assured me that this would be simple and the perfect way to start again if I was serious about it. So I am doing it. It will be beautiful and being in nature will be so lovely. I am almost giddy with the thought of it. The joy of it.

I'm wondering if I should include some of my self-grounding and mindfulness practices here. It may help me remind myself why it's so important for me and why I continue to practice it. I'll consider it for the next post.

The Greater Good

Priya Shukla 0 Comment The Sense Check , , , , , , , , ,

What does the greater good mean for me?

I think that most of my life the message drilled into my psyche was that you needed to always think about everyone else first, before even beginning to take care of myself. This has been the journey and I only began to question it when I began working on myself. I realised that much of the discontent, bone-deep sadness, and despair came from the feeling that I didn't matter. My needs and wants can't matter more than others.

Applying what I learned about this not being good for me or anybody, I've since seen that being a decent human being and taking care of myself would always ensure that I also take care of the greater good. My actions, my behaviour and my life feel more full and fulfilled. I always know when I can give and do more. It's been one of the most rewarding life lessons - self-care above self-sacrifice

I've been able to find that I am a loving and nurturing person and that when I decide to not do something, it comes from a place of priority, kindness and caring, not from a place of lack and depletion. I practice gratitude for who I am and what I experience. It fuels my desire to do and be more. I feel joy in everything and it is beautiful.

I can only care for the greater good if I first care about myself.

Day 6, 7, 8… I missed 2 days

Priya Shukla 0 Comment Daily Musings, The Sense Check , , , , ,

I missed two days of journaling. How did I feel about that? I was annoyed with myself at first, but then I realised I could catch up on everything I did. Reflect on the joy that was this weekend. Yes, that sounds like a way to overcome wanting to do this perfectly.

Perfection. Such a small word with so much pressure attached to it. I'm recovering from being a perfectionist. The beauty of recovery is that it's a journey, not a destination. Perfection is me reaching for an unknown goal that has no beginning or end. This makes perfection unattainable. And I'm feeling the relief of that realisation every single day. Letting go of the stranglehold of perfection is a thing of beauty and the beginning of faith and hope. But that's a story for another day.

Day 6

With my move to Cape Town, there were many things I wanted to do to find myself and my joy again. One of those things was finding a community I could join that meant I had company and the joy of activities with a safe group that didn't need to become my best friends - I have one of those, and boy is she the jealous type 🙂 I love doing things on my own but also realise the need to be able to do things with others with no expectations and just joy in what I'm doing.

On Saturday morning, I got up as early as I could manage; I needed to drive 45 minutes to Kalk Bay and fill up my tank before I set off. It's a beautiful drive once you get to Muizenburg and then take the main road that takes you through Kalk Bay, towards Fishhoek. It fills you up. The beautiful coastline, the mountains from all angles, the blue summer skies. Long drives are my joy. There's a freedom in being out on an open road. I relish them.

My destination was the Brass Bell Restaurant to join a bunch of strangers to spend a few hours painting and drawing. I've done this type of activity in Durban, but I'd never done it on my own. I'm learning that on my own is my favourite way to experience things. The company is great, but I'm okay on my own too. It was a beautiful half a day spent painting against the background of waves crashing against rocks and the windows of the restaurant. Powerful and beautiful. Simply breathtaking.

Day 7

I'm not one to indulge in shopping and walking around a mall. But with the right company and for a special reason, I can be convinced to go along with it. I spent the morning with a close friend. We work together but don't get to spend a lot of time out just for us to catch up and just be. So we both treasure these special moments and I loved the company as I thought about my company party outfit.

What I love about my friends is that they are honest with me if they don't think I should pick up something. These are the kinds of friends I need. I can also be myself and talk about my comfort with no judgment. Again, it's what I need, not the superficiality of just going along with things to create a copacetic space.

I also got to spend a beautiful afternoon with my little brother's fiancé before she left Cape Town. She is moving up to Johannesburg and I guess this is great for her and my little brother. It was sad to say goodbye. But I'm also grateful we had the last four months to get to know her and spend quality time with her. They have a bright future ahead of them. Relationships are as simple as we make them - the ones where feelings and actions are reciprocated and those where they are not. The start of this one bodes well for us all.

Day 8

Today I had an upset tummy. It made my day a little uncomfortable. It was one more day that I was grateful I could work from home. It's a gift that I will not take for granted anymore. I have taken it for granted. Or maybe I've been so focused on everything else that I couldn't appreciate what I do have going well for me. And that's okay; not immediately being aware of every blessing is what life looks like. We will notice and be awakened when we have the mental, emotional and spiritual capacity to accept and embrace these new truths. I couldn't get to this journal this morning, but today isn't over yet.

Day 6, 7 and 8. Up and away.