Tag: gift of understanding

Day… again

Priya Shukla 0 Comment The Sense Check , , , , ,

I was reading through my previous posts and I liked the idea of these thoughts finding a home here. So maybe I'll try for a daily thought processor here. Not quite a morning pages, but close enough. These will be a little filtered, whereas the morning brain dump... not quite (says with an evil grin).

Sitting here and writing, I'm not filled with the apprehension I had when I felt when I first started my Daily Musings. I'm sitting here listening to one of my favourite songs, Pasoori, dancing in my chair and sometimes moved to stand up and dance, at 6;30am while I wait for my writing buddy to get online with me. It's indicative of my mood as I begin the day. Feeling quietly elated, content and feeling good in my body. Do I have aches and pains and thoughts of the apocalypse happening in the next few minutes? Of course!

However, I'm happy to sit side-by-side with the demons that filter through my world and acknowledge their existence while still enjoying the reality of my life. Its beauty and grace are more than the challenges that life presents. And when I do this, the demons show themselves as being the scared and lonely parts of me. I don't need to be afraid, just aware. Accept and not drown in it.

Working on Self-care

I've been working on the daily patterns of behaviour and what the world probably terms as time management. And in this exploration, I decided to take advantage of a life wellness service that the company I work for has introduced, called Modern Health. It offers coaching and therapy as well as other mental health support. In working with a coach and therapist I've been able to unpack a few things that are contributing to my sense of disquietude. It's been great to have a space in which I can bounce my thoughts around. Having people who help with the inquiry process has also been a gift.

I spoke to an old friend last night after a long time. It always feels so good to pick up a relationship exactly where we were, yet also where we are now. The seamless nature of it is like a comforting arm around your shoulders - not needed, but defiitely welcome.

Saturday

I woke up wanting to sleep more. It's getting colder here, so being wrapped in my two layers of blankets is the most comforting feeling. Maybe I'll have a lie in and read tomorrow morning. This morning I needed to get up early to have a meeting with my sister. We're thinking of ways to expand the conversations we have. It's a tough balancing act; trying to navigate our journeys and our relationship boundaries - ours and with others.

And so I enjoyed the exploratative nature of our conversation. We have some things done to work on and we definitely want to do these things. The question is will we? We're holding back. We know we're holding back. What do next steps look like? How do we navigate this together with our relationship? We're also in transitional stages in our lives and are trying to create space for this. How do we do it?

Hiking

I made a decision to go for a hike this afternoon. Impromptu but something I really want to get more comfortable with. Fear of taking hikes has held me back since one I did in 2022 at Chapman's Peak. I was told this would be comfortable for an amateur. It was anything but. Struggled! Forcing myself to go out of a false sense of responsibility even though I was not in the best condition - it was the second day of my period. I had shaky legs, less than good lung capacity and lots of pain due to my problematic periods. It was so beautiful and breathtaking, and some of the people with me weere wonderful and set their pace to mine - which made me feel awful! I knew I definitely wanted to hike more, but I was at a crossroads as to how to do it.

This time I had a chat with the hike leader mentioning my experience and she was extremely empatheitc and assured me that this would be simple and the perfect way to start again if I was serious about it. So I am doing it. It will be beautiful and being in nature will be so lovely. I am almost giddy with the thought of it. The joy of it.

I'm wondering if I should include some of my self-grounding and mindfulness practices here. It may help me remind myself why it's so important for me and why I continue to practice it. I'll consider it for the next post.

Where am I Now?

Priya Shukla An Introspective | Part 1, My Life As I've Lived It, The Sense Check , , , , , , ,

I'm still on the journey. The true gift for me is that it hasn't ended and will never end, even when I am no longer in this world. My words will find someone and it will reach them the way it needs to. So the journey never ends. Let's take solace in that.

I am in a place of comfort and struggle - comfort because I am enjoying the fruits of my labour and manifestation. Struggle because every unearthing is painful and rewarding. I use what I've learned again and again. The key is to not hold out for perfection.

Let's take a look at this concept of perfectionism. I loved Brené Brown's definition of this - When perfectionism is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver. She goes on to further explain, "Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence and it's not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is a defensive move. It's the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. Perfectionism is not the key to success."

The first time I heard Brené Brown's definition and understanding of this, it shook me. Or as the kids say today, I was shooketh! I didn't immediately understand what she was trying to tell me. But I did understand it was a key element to what I needed to unlock. I had been striving and working towards something I couldn't see, touch, feel or be. And that was my key to understanding this thing I was always trying to do. For me, perfection had been a badge of honour, as I'm sure it was for most of you. However, I always felt as if I didn't quite meet the mark. I always fell short.

Growing up we were taught by society to always consider the world's opinion on what was right and wrong and also how I should live my life. I started with a sense of knowing what I needed to do, but when that conflicted with this societal dictate, I drowned that voice of my intuition to the deep recesses of myself. It was too much to feel what I needed to do and be and then be told time and again that "I was wrong, what I was doing was wrong, didn't I know any better?" This type of conflict is difficult for adults; can you imagine what it does to children who are just learning to walk in this world and develop their identities? It breaks my heart to think of the little girls and boys out there still going through this today.

I may be repeating myself here, but the fact that this journey is never over is a blessing. There's no destination, there's no litmus test for whether we've arrived or not. The guide and the path are simple in their answer but complex in their execution. This complexity makes the journey exciting and frustrating, but with a thread of curiosity throughout. When we stop feeling the curiosity, is when we stop moving. Use that as your guide, as I have learned to for myself. I do have moments of stuckness. It's inevitable.

I have learned that the journey is never smooth. That acceptance makes it feel easier. The constant waiting for things to get better before we make the change or do the next right thing is what keeps us unhappy, uneasy and unfulfilled. Understanding this has been a not-so-happy realisation that I have come to kicking and screaming. When this happens, the thing I've learned to do is to stop and take a pause. We can't push what isn't there. And the amazing thing is that the next step comes to you.

A Smidgeon of Hope

I send a message out there to all children and adult children – there is a way to heal and get through the pain of your childhood experiences. Focus on yourself. I didn't even set out to heal from wounds unrealised, it just happened. This is an important part of the healing journey; follow the feeling but don't try to predetermine the outcome. That's not how this works.

I knew I needed something to change in my life and wasn't sure what that looked like, but I went looking anyway and I found it in spades. Trust yourself and the universe. Trust that you have all the answers locked within you; you just need to create the key to let it all out. And a key element of that unlocking is trust in yourself. Faith that you will get through this. The belief in yourself to be able to do all of the above. No one can instil this in you; yes we hear and see things that motivate us, but the true motivation that we seek comes from our actions. When we take action to make a change, we get to decide the way our motivation presents itself. I say this because I am living this.

Any action allows you to learn how to start trusting and relying on your inner voice and self. A hint on how to start trusting yourself is to just observe your thoughts and feelings as you navigate all situations. Listen to your thoughts and don't feel the necessity to do anything. Allowing yourself the time to get used to listening to your thoughts and paying attention to your feelings is the first step to learning what your actual inner voice is, as opposed to all the voices and narratives you've collected throughout your life. Get ready for the ride of your life!

If you're feeling lost about how and where to start, reach out. We will document your journey in a way that can help you heal from the things you cannot see or feel. I have faith in you as much as I have in me. The universe brought you here for a reason. You get to decide where you go from here. Wherever that is, may you have a blessed, guided and protected journey of love, abundance and peace.