Recommitting to myself – Day 1… of many

Creating consistency and routines for myself. It’s a bumpy ride.

I keep trying to remind myself that I’m a writer. Is that normal?

But it’s the first thing I sacrifice when life gets hard. Even as I write this, I feel shame. And that makes me want to stop again. But I’m determined to do the very thing that I want and need to.

I keep hearing Oprah in conversation with so many people telling her about their calling and why they do what they do. One of those conversations that stand out to me to this day was with JK Rowling. Oprah asked her if she’d always know she wanted to be a writer and she said yes, when she understood what it is that writers do, that is when she knew it is what she would do. And I’ll never forget what Oprah’s narration was to this – when you’re a writer, you just write; whether it’s for one person or a million, you have to write.

But the thing that has changed for me in listening to this is that I write because I have to express myself and I write for me first. Always for me first.

So how do I do this?

Today I am committing to writing a little every day. Just talking about what I’m thinking and how I’m getting myself onto a path I find comforting and recognise as familiar to my inner voice.

What’s today’s business?

Why is it so hard to choose one thing to do? Every morning I wake up with a flood of thoughts and ideas. Instead of choosing one, I choose nothing.

To quiet the voices I scroll through Instagram and allow myself to get flooded with warmth and comfort – puppies, babies and mushy stories – Instead of being hard on myself for doing this, I now ask myself why I feel the need to do it. The answer is simple; it engages my addictive pathways and allows my brain to get its share of dopamine.

Most mornings of late it feels like Groundhog Day. But you know what? Today is when I break that cycle. Today I deliberately took myself out of this pattern. Today I wrote this and now, shared it.

For Day 1, that’s enough.