Of course, I couldn't do anything other than get up, shower, do a little work and then sleep.
I don't usually allow myself what I call the luxury of resting when I have my period. It's always felt indulgent. And that's my critical inner voice speaking. I know this and yet the voice is still quite a strong one in my head.
Many people, even women, don't understand the vast differences that women go through with their menstrual cycle. It's quite sad and sometimes enraging to feel like I have to dull the intensity of the pain because others may not understand. And I've spent years trying to do just that.
But I have been working on being more truthful about my reality - pain, exhaustion, an increase in body temperature and excessive bleeding. For three weeks out of four, my hormones are taking me on a journey. It feels like I'm being held hostage. My body isn't quite my own. But still I persevere. There is little else I can do.
As I get closer to menopause, I also begin to think about how this isn't normal. To live in constant pain and discomfort is not normal. The plan is simple but hard. Hard has never deterred me, but it has been uncomfortable and forces me to be vulnerable. There's a difference between being vulnerable because you feel safe doing it and when you're forced to do it because you can't control a situation or it's outcomes. My choice is to work through this space with an understanding of my physiology and how it needs to function as opposed to walking blindly and waiting for mayhem.
Days 11 to 13... thanks for the grace.
