I'm still on the journey. The true gift for me is that it hasn't ended and will never end, even when I am no longer in this world. My words will find someone and it will reach them the way it needs to. So the journey never ends. Let's take solace in that.
I am in a place of comfort and struggle - comfort because I am enjoying the fruits of my labour and manifestation. Struggle because every unearthing is painful and rewarding. I use what I've learned again and again. The key is to not hold out for perfection.
Let's take a look at this concept of perfectionism. I loved Brené Brown's definition of this - When perfectionism is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver. She goes on to further explain, "Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence and it's not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is a defensive move. It's the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. Perfectionism is not the key to success."
The first time I heard Brené Brown's definition and understanding of this, it shook me. Or as the kids say today, I was shooketh! I didn't immediately understand what she was trying to tell me. But I did understand it was a key element to what I needed to unlock. I had been striving and working towards something I couldn't see, touch, feel or be. And that was my key to understanding this thing I was always trying to do. For me, perfection had been a badge of honour, as I'm sure it was for most of you. However, I always felt as if I didn't quite meet the mark. I always fell short.
Growing up we were taught by society to always consider the world's opinion on what was right and wrong and also how I should live my life. I started with a sense of knowing what I needed to do, but when that conflicted with this societal dictate, I drowned that voice of my intuition to the deep recesses of myself. It was too much to feel what I needed to do and be and then be told time and again that "I was wrong, what I was doing was wrong, didn't I know any better?" This type of conflict is difficult for adults; can you imagine what it does to children who are just learning to walk in this world and develop their identities? It breaks my heart to think of the little girls and boys out there still going through this today.
I may be repeating myself here, but the fact that this journey is never over is a blessing. There's no destination, there's no litmus test for whether we've arrived or not. The guide and the path are simple in their answer but complex in their execution. This complexity makes the journey exciting and frustrating, but with a thread of curiosity throughout. When we stop feeling the curiosity, is when we stop moving. Use that as your guide, as I have learned to for myself. I do have moments of stuckness. It's inevitable.
I have learned that the journey is never smooth. That acceptance makes it feel easier. The constant waiting for things to get better before we make the change or do the next right thing is what keeps us unhappy, uneasy and unfulfilled. Understanding this has been a not-so-happy realisation that I have come to kicking and screaming. When this happens, the thing I've learned to do is to stop and take a pause. We can't push what isn't there. And the amazing thing is that the next step comes to you.
A Smidgeon of Hope
I send a message out there to all children and adult children – there is a way to heal and get through the pain of your childhood experiences. Focus on yourself. I didn't even set out to heal from wounds unrealised, it just happened. This is an important part of the healing journey; follow the feeling but don't try to predetermine the outcome. That's not how this works.
I knew I needed something to change in my life and wasn't sure what that looked like, but I went looking anyway and I found it in spades. Trust yourself and the universe. Trust that you have all the answers locked within you; you just need to create the key to let it all out. And a key element of that unlocking is trust in yourself. Faith that you will get through this. The belief in yourself to be able to do all of the above. No one can instil this in you; yes we hear and see things that motivate us, but the true motivation that we seek comes from our actions. When we take action to make a change, we get to decide the way our motivation presents itself. I say this because I am living this.
Any action allows you to learn how to start trusting and relying on your inner voice and self. A hint on how to start trusting yourself is to just observe your thoughts and feelings as you navigate all situations. Listen to your thoughts and don't feel the necessity to do anything. Allowing yourself the time to get used to listening to your thoughts and paying attention to your feelings is the first step to learning what your actual inner voice is, as opposed to all the voices and narratives you've collected throughout your life. Get ready for the ride of your life!
If you're feeling lost about how and where to start, reach out. We will document your journey in a way that can help you heal from the things you cannot see or feel. I have faith in you as much as I have in me. The universe brought you here for a reason. You get to decide where you go from here. Wherever that is, may you have a blessed, guided and protected journey of love, abundance and peace.
